so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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