I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize