No stitches, just platelets and will power
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
