Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
