i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
