I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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