glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
