I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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