i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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