Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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