Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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