Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
