Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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