I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
