On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
