I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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