Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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