Dual....:-)
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
