I just saw a hot homeless man
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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