One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
