okay pat passed out under dana's car
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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