I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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