Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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