Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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