I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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