my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
