i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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