Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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