He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
