I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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