My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
