Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
