apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
