i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
