I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
