No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
