listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
4 words: hood of his car
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
