A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
