I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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