What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
