the new term for farting is butt boxing.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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