you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
