I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
