Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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