i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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