Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
