but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
