You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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