I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
