During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
