Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
