so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
