i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
