fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
