You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
