Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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