In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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