Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
