Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
