Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
