I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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