Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize