My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
