hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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