Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
