it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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