Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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