i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
