i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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