Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
