Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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