We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
