im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
