I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
