But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
