haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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