At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
