...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
