He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
