If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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