Define "chronic" masturbator.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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