so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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