FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
